Aoi Kioku
by ShizukaNoHime
Summary: Once the rain falls... Neon thought towards her father... Is life so cruel when you are unloved? A KXN one shot fic. REVIEW!!!


**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the HxH characters. They are all belonged to Yoshihiro Togashi, we just borrowed them to make a fic^^.

**Note: **Hi minna- san! **Grins widely** Another HxH fic! (Wow… I'm getting addicted in HxH…). And as you always know, this IS a KurapicaXNeon fic. But it is different of what you have red in my fics. This is a joint fic written by Maiki Aya (me) and Shiro Yuki! 

**Yuki: **Hello to all of you!

Hehehe… Anyway, about the site again… I've putted another section… Hope you visit the page! Thank you for all the supporter of KXN and Enjoy!!!

**Aoi Kioku******

**By Maiki Aya and Shiro Yuki**

Cold, selfish, unforgiving, yet soft, gentle and pure, this was what she saw of the rain as she continued walking down the dim streets at night. She didn't care that she was only wearing a dress and a thin shirt, soaking from head to toe, all she cared about was that she was alone, alone with her thoughts. 

She didn't know when things came crashing down, when she lost control, she was always in control, or she liked to think so. Things would have been fine, she would have continued lying to the world, continued smiling and pretending that she didn't have a care in the world, when inside she was screaming out for someone to listen, to understand. Yet she ignored those screams, tossed it away believing it was nothing besides disloyalty to her father. Of course her Otou- sama was always there for her, but… is it because he loves her? She wanted to believe she was but ever since her nen power was stolen… 

She shook her head furiously, how could she have these thoughts?  Right was happy, contented to be in his position. Right's happiness was her happiness too. They all knew how much her Otou- sama meant to her, if one dared to harm him, she'd have the bodyguards to protect him in no time. No one ever questioned her care and love to her father. 

But one did 

She shook her head again and looked up to the mad sky as if hoping the sight of it will scare away the thoughts of him… 

Yes, _him…_

He was a clever young man, saw right through her, saw pass her false smile into her interior feelings, into her _heart_. That scared her, no one has ever seen through her mask before, seen through to _her_, it angered her as well. How dare he know so much about her! How dare he come and throw off  the unnatural balance that she had under control! How dare he cross the limit she has set and try to reach her! So she saw nothing of him, nothing besides some know-it-all person that had nothing to do besides interfere in the mind's of others. But later, she learned more about him, that like her, he too was hiding from the world, from those around him, those who cared about him, not wanting to hurt them, like her too he was wearing a mask, one that he had grown so used to that he didn't remember how to show him, the _true_ him. 

She stopped in mid step and grinned at the memory. She has never met someone so much like her, someone that could lie beautifully through their teeth as if it was the truth as she could, who could read emotion of people's faces and see what they're _really_ feeling as she could, who could be as insensitive as she could. 

"Are you happy?" he asked one day 

"Sou yo" 

"Hontou ni?" 

"Otou- sama is happy then therefore I'm happy, his happiness is my happiness" she replied 

"Then are you _truly_ happy?" 

"I already told you that I'm happy" 

"Sou desu ka…" 

He did not know how much that question had got her, how much it got her thinking for days never being able to get rid of it. Then again, maybe he did, maybe that's why he had asked her. 

They still continued to talked, pretend they've never had that conversation. Things were changing for her, she was smiling, smiling not because others wanted to see it, but because she truly wanted to smile. But a nagging doubt in her mind told her that it would not last long, not to get used to it because it would do nothing but hurt her even more then things already has. But once again, she ignored them. She was starting to feel something within her that has always been nothing but emptiness and coldness. She felt, a little _warmth_. 

The growing cold on her skin brought her but to the harsh reality. She should have never trusted those feelings, feelings of warmth. Because, he left, left as quickly as he came. 

He was leaving, returning back to York Shin, with his friends because he has things to take care of. She was there to see him off. He promised to return, but she did not believe him. Otou- sama had said the same thing a year ago when he left  and so far… Then why should he? But still smiled and claimed that she would be here, waiting for him. He must have sense this because the hurt look in his eyes confirmed them, though he just smiled back and said he will come back as fast as he could. 

It started raining heavier now, looks of pity were visible on the faces of those she crossed as she continued wondering the streets. And what a sight she must have been. Totally drenched in water, wearing nothing but a dress, which clung onto her, offering little protection from the rain. She did not bring an umbrella with her, she did not care, she tended not to care these days. A person came up to her though, offered her an umbrella but she simply declined and turned away, saying nothing more of it. He must have pitied her she though and she did not like it, she did not need their pity, she was used to people envying her, not feeling sorry for her. 

Her mind went back to the rain, the cold bitter rain. Was keeping things inside of her, bottling them up not her way of crying? The rain poured suddenly at this awareness, continuing to freeze her, threatening to break her down but she refused, she had never back down on anything before, much less the harmless rain which continued… 

To freeze her, 

Harden her, 

Turn her to ice 

As if to make sure that she would never feel warmth again in her life, never to feel the emptiness inside of her fill up with lo- 

She suddenly yelled, she just had to except it, except the fact that she was never meant to feel love, to love and be loved. Except she will never have the warmth again, warmth only he could bring. 

"Then let me still be your warmth …Neon" 

She immediately halted, she knew that voice, a voice she knew all to well… 

Him… 

She spun around, cherry eyes met azure. 

"Kurapica…" 

**~ End ~**

**Ending Note: **So, what you think? I think we've put to much _her _and _she_. But, I think it is the best way to describe Neon's loneliness… hehehe… Ja, that's for now… And **PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

**PS**

Aoi Kioku means _Blue Memories. _ If you look at this closely… You could see Neon's memories was her feelings or thoughts about her father… 


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